What challenge did I overcome, and how did I handle it?
Last month marked the end of a two-year relationship. It’s been thirty days. While people say it takes 21 days to break a habit, research suggests it’s more nuanced than that. Studies show it can take anywhere from 66 to 254 days to truly rewire habits, depending on their complexity.
I’ve successfully navigated the first phase (1-10 days), overcoming the feelings of returning to the relationship. During the second phase (10-30 days), I found myself grappling emotional withdrawal. I approached this like triage during wartime. Just as soldiers applied tourniquets to prevent infection, I applied mental “tourniquets” to cut off thoughts that no longer served me.
When emotions re surfaced, I visualized these as hooks trying to pull me back. Each time I untethered, I felt a piece of my freedom come back to me. This practice helped me resist the urge to engage these thoughts and prevented emotional rabbit holes.
At the 30-day mark, I’ve replaced old habits with new ones. I’ve changed my gym routine, explored new restaurants, refreshed my wardrobe, and removed sentimental objects that no longer align with the person I am. I’ve rekindled old friendships and enlisted friends to help hold me accountable. The key to success is accountability.
Every week, I conduct a review my week and process emotions. This is when I allow troubling thoughts to return. I sit with those feelings. Journaling has been a vital tool here. It’s not just expressing those feelings, but also an opportunity to identify patterns and reframe emotions in ways that empower me.
Instead of repeating the mantra “I don’t care,” I’ve shifted to a more empowering phrase: “I’m moving forward.” This change has made a big difference in how I engage with my healing process, allowing me to embrace emotions without letting them take over.
As I move forward, I’m excited to continue this journey. The changes I’ve made—both internally and externally—are shaping a version of myself that feels aligned with who I’m meant to be. The road ahead will have moments of challenge, but I have to tools to handle them.
For anyone facing a similar challenge:
Change one habit at a time, whether daily routine, environment, or the people you surround yourself with. Lean on your support system and don’t be afraid to ask for help. The most important less is to give yourself permission to feel. You need to reflect to grow. Healing is not linear but every step moves you forward.
-Lawrence J Baily
